Fun at walmart!
by Alice Cullen444
Summary: So what do the Cullen's do in their spare time? Sit around doing completely nothing? No, no, no! They go over to walmart with a list called "65 ways to get thrown out of walmart" And who made it? Alice of course! Full summary inside xx
1. Chapter 1

**Alice's POV-**

I have been set the task- by myself may I say – to come up with a list of 60 things that will get you chucked out of wall mart. And then we will carry them out!

Here is the list. 

_1. Make a water slide with slim sliding down it so it creates a slimy covering over the isle floor and then slide down it at full speed._

_2. Go up behind people and shout boo and run away. _

_3. Fill trollies with underwear and mix it with mustard while placing them round the mart. _

_4. Climb in a trolley and get your friend to wheel you around wall mart. _

_5. Go on the intercom and say "Sale! Sale! 99.9% off on all items." _

_6. Set the fire alarm off!_

_7. Follow a member of staff around asking what they are doing and when they get angry and shout say "NO! NO I DONT WANT TO DIE!" _

_8. Buy a very expensive item at about $500 and pay all in pennies then loose count about 3 times!_

_9. Go round the store singing "Baby got back!" And wiggling you but around. _

_10. Set up a free booth with makeup (freshly bought from wall mart of course) and give people VERY ugly makeovers for $5! _

_11. Dance to the hoedown throwdown, then to the chacha slide. And singing at the top of your voice. _

_12. Set of stink bombs around the store and fan the smell out! (will need a strong fan for this!) _

_13. Set up a tent, sit inside it, sit very still let kids poke you (EEEW did not sound right!) and then randomly go MUMMIIIEEEEEEEE! _

_14. Put a huge sign up saying "All items here are tested on infectiously diseased people!" _

_15. Grab all clothing and get loads of dummies and dress them up in mismatching weird styles and put a sign saying "All new fab styles here!" _

_16. __Dress 3 people up badly as kris rob and taylor and then say £10 celeb signing in a dressing room! _

_17. Buy loads of dominos, set all of it up in all of one aisle and as soon as one person comes it will all knock over. _

_18. Create a rally race around a few isles and race loads of cars around it, each one starting at a different time. _

_19. Go up to a random with a cookie jar in hand and sing "Can't keep my hands my hands my hands off the cookie jar!" _

_20. Have a massive pillow fight! _

_21. Climb into clothes rack and when some comes to pick something out go "Please miss, pick me, no one eva does." _

_22. Re-alphabetize all books, DVDs and CD's. _

_23. Scribble all over books, DVD's and CD's. _

_24. Take a bight out of some fruit and veg then place it back and sprinkle coke over all of it! _

_25. Take a couple of melons and shove them down your tee to create huge breasts then fling them about (make sure they are secure) hitting people in the face saying "Pardon me big breasts coming through!" _

_26. Stare at one person with wide eyes and when they say "What" laugh and then shout "IMMA BEE!" keep repeating this._

_27. Get a golf club and some sponge balls and hit them about the place._

_28. Get a football and play passie! _

_29. Buy a sun lounger (if possible), bikini, sunglasses and a cool drink and sunbath in the middle of the store. _

_30. Run about screaming "Mummy! There's a big man chasing me!" _

_31. Make a hole in one of the shelves, big enough to get an arm and an object through and hide. When someone comes pass grab and item small enough to pass through the whole and steel it. _

_32. Get dressed up as a staff member, and grab a tag, Go up to a customer when they are buy cereal grab the packet, shake it and say "Can't you hear that sir/miss, it's broken." And take it away._

_33. Have a pie fight. _

_34. When in narrow isle and someone is behind you walk slowly, stopping now and then in the middle flinging your arms across the corridor yawning/stretching and then continue to walk slowly. _

_35. When in the food area say that all food has been poisoned. _

_36. Get a champagne bottle and a knife and shake the bottle up and down before slicing the cork off and spraying foam every where. _

_37. Jump on all the beds. _

_38. Buy scissors and cut up dollies hair._

_39. Cut up pieces of paper. _

_40. Stick up signs saying there is a stolen toy Anyone one with a toy report to the desk NOW! _

_41. Out off all your friends get price machine (you know that small machine that prints out the price and you stick it on the shelf/item?) go round the isles and stick the wrong price on as much shelves as possible. _

_42. Buy loads of mixing bowls, cereals and other food products (any random thing) and mix loads of ingredients and place mixture into each cereal box (If out of cereal boxes buy a few more and dispose of cereal) _

_43. Grab a few fish rod and ladders set them up on an aisle and dangle the fishing rods over the shelves try to take people belongings (while bumping them on the head) and stealing it- make sure you have a trolley and a person below you to put it in! _

_44. Walk up to people and say in a sexy voice "Cant touch this!" Running your hands down your body. _

_45. Buy a candy bar then grab another buy it and keep repeating this exercise! _

_46. Buy the cheapest item and out it in the bin._

_47. Keep walking through in and out the automatic door until it is broken. _

_48. Go up to people give them an accessory and say "put this on it makes that hideous outfit look that little bit better" _

_49. put the music on full blast and sing- badly- as loud as you can. _

_50. Buy a camera and snap pictures of every one going passed in the underwear section. _

_51. Go up behind people while eating a frosties from a huge packet and say into their ear "Theeeeeeirrr greeeeeeeeat" in the tigers accent._

_52. Get a rather long stick and create two small whole holes in the shelves- big enough for you to look through and to slide the stick through without knocking anything over- and poke anyone that comes past._

_53.__ Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the theme from 'Mission Impossible'._

_54. Grab a CD player, a bowl some milk and coco pops and buy the CD that has "My humps" by black eyed peas (lets call them BEB from now on!) and dance to it by making rude dances with your breasts (womans job only!) When it comes to the milky milky cocopops make a bowl of cereal. Once it comes to the end grab the bowl of cereal and jump in the air causing all the cereal to fall out (Make sure bowl is plastic and you runaway before it covers you) _

_55. Put up advertisement for a treasure hunt around walmart for free clothing and then in each department put out pointless riddles. _

_56. Clear a whole shelf then clamber into it and pretend you are asleep while snoring. _

_57. Rap to a song and street dance. _

_58. Buy some planks of wood and karate chop them. _

_59. Buy a black top hat a black walking and a black penguin suit and dress up in it. When you come out bow to every passing person holding your hat out to them. _

_60. Go to electronic department and watch very scary horror movies and scream very loudly at the scary parts. _

_61. at the end of the day/days go up to a staff member and say "I'm so very sorry to bother you, but your manager says that you have to clean the mess we created." And run for it. _

**(****Okay this is my new story guys I hope you like it! Basically this is just the introduction- only the list and a bit of Alice's POV! The actual story will start in the next chapter! The whole idea came from my other story the cullens have msn! They maybe some talk about it there! I will be making a sequel to this too- Truth and dare! I know sad I thought of it already! But any ways bye!) **


	2. More to add to the list! not story!

**Alice's POV-**

I came up with some more ideas so lets make the list 65 ways to get kicked out of wallmart!

_62.. Talk to the lady at the cash register about rubber ducks for 30 mins_

_63. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, go into a corner, crouch down, rap your arms around your legs and rock saying "No!NO! Not those voices again! Must. Be. Going. Crazy!_

_64. Pretend to be a monkey and get on all fours screaming "Oo-oo-aaa-aa!" And attack whoever buys bananas!_

_65. Climb into washing machines, hampers and washing baskets! _

**(hey guys! I came up with some more ideas! So please enjoy!)**


	3. But I'm not a duck!

**Chapter 1**

_Guys I just realised that I had accidently put the wrong story chapter in I am so sorry- here is the ACTUAL chapter!_

**Full Summary: ****So what do the Cullen's do in their spare time? Sit around doing completely nothing? No, no, no! They go over to Wal-Mart with a list called "65 ways to get thrown out of Wal-Mart" And who made it? Alice of course! And who agreed to the idea? The Cullens + Jacob, Paul and Embry- who else?! With Alice's crazy ideas, Emmett's idiocy, Edward's cowardliness, Carlisle's hyperness, Bella's strangeness, Jacob's gayness (Btw I am team Jacob- so I have nothing against him- this is just to make it funny!) Jasper's usual weirdness, Esme's calmness, Paul and Embry's laughter, Rosalie's mishaps and Nessie' whatever what do you get? An extremely funny story! And you might get a few extra bonuses! After breaking dawn. All vamps and werewolves! **

**Alice's POV- **

I have it! I have the perfect list! I jumped up and down in excitement and once the printer had printed – very slowly- the list I ran out the room flapping the few pieces of paper in my stretched out arm. The room I had entered was the living room. Emmett was sitting on the ground playing with army trucks (fake) and toy soldiers. What the hell?

"Um. Emmett mind telling me why you're playing with kids toys?" I asked him with my eyebrows raised. He burst into dry sobs then.

"Is it so very hard to understand that I want to?! You people are all idiots!" With that he stomped out the room and up the stairs slamming his bedroom door. I looked over to Edward who had just entered and was laughing.

"What was that?" I asked.

"Too many steroids?" Edward shrugged. I chuckled. "What's that?"

"Umm...." Uh-oh. "My diary?"

"Sure it is Alice." He arched an eyebrow sceptically.

"Oh! Fine! Its 65 ways to get kicked out of walmart!" I through my hands up in the air in defeat.

"Cool. Why don't we try them out?" Edward, Mr. Goodie too shoos just suggested we get in trouble? What has the world come to! He growled when he heard my thoughts.

"Okay! GUYS!" I screamed, while Edward covered his ears. Bella came skipping in dragging Nessie with her but I motioned for her to take Nessie away and hand her to Carlisle- this was no business for a half human! Emmett soon followed, though he was still sulking. Rose and Jasper were soon behind and Jacob made his appearance through the front door. We had gotten used to the bad smell.

"What is it Alice?" Rosalie asked.

"Well.... I have had an idea." Bella groaned.

"Not make over Bella time! I'm a vampire now! I DONT NEED MAKEUP!" I huffed.

"Not that! It's time we set my list to the test!" I forgot to explain. Oops.

"What list? You never had a list! Have you been hiding something from me Alice?!" Emmett's face was a picture.

"Oh yes. Sorry the list is 65 ways to get kicked out of wall mart! And we are all going to put it to the test!" I looked around eagerly and every one grinned.

"Brilliant idea!" Jasper complemented.

"I'm in!" Jacob smiled. We had become great friends with him- even Rosalie... a bit.

"Same with us." Rosalie and Bella said who had both created a bond between them. But Bella still considered me her best friend!

"HELL YEAH!" Emmett screamed. And Edward nodded. I squealed and ran up stairs and back down for no reason.

"What the hell Alice?!" Jasper asked.

"I don't know I'm just so excited! Let's go!" I marched out but then back in where everyone was looking at me with amused expressions. "Who's car?"

"Mine!" Edward and Emmett called at the same time. After a couple of minutes bickering we decided to split in two to go both ways. Me, Bella, Jacob and Emmett went in Emmett's while Edward, Rosalie and my Jasper went in the volvo.

"Guys? Do you think I can invite a couple of wolves?" Jacob asked.

I sighed. "Go ahead get them to meat us there in 10 minutes!" I ordered. He nodded and phoned them.

"Only Paul and Embry want to go." He said.

"I'm a little fish in the deep blue sea-" Emmett was interrupted by us.

"EMMETT SHUT THE DUCK UP!"

"But I don't have a duck!" He was so dumb.

"We know you don't have a duck. We use it instead of the swear word." Jacob explained irritably.

"Why don't you just say shut up then?"

"BECAUSE WE DON'T WANT TO!" Jacob shouted. With that Emmett was dry sobbing... again. "What did I do?"

"You shouted at him. Don't worry he is a little hormonal right now!" I smirked. I parked the car outside wall mart. Edward arrived a minute later. It took Paul and Embry another 5 minutes and by this time I was jumping up and down with excitement.

**Paul's POV- **

This is gonna be so fun. I can't believe a leech can be so a genius! We pulled up at wall mart and the psychic leach was jumping up and down. _Great. _Do we have to put up with this? The mind reader- this could get annoying- nodded.

**Emmett's POV- **

Piggitty pockidy boo! And now I'm a rubber duck!

**Edward's POV- **

What goes on in Emmett's head is a mystery! I swear! Right now he was just thinking of rubber ducks!

"Sup man!" Paul yelled to Jake who pounded his fist while Paul nodded at us and Embry followed, tentatively waving.

Emmett grinned freakily at him which scared him obviously. "Let's get the show on the road!"

"Yey!" Bella squealed. My Bella grinned?

"So uh, yeah, uh well who's going first?" Embry asked nervously like we were going to eat him. Haha! He wishes! He's not that tasty as humans!

"I will!" Emmett and Alice squealed at the same time.

"NO I WANT TO!" Emmett stamped his feet like a little child.

"It was my idea." Emmett through a tantrum.

"I WANT TO! I WANT TO! I WANT TO! ITS SOOOO NOT FAIR!" Alice just rolled her eyes.

"Fine!" He then clapped his hands and squealed.

"Is he always like this?" Paul whispered to me. I nodded.

"Unfortunately."

"Okay what number Emmett?" Jasper asked. He took the list off of Alice.

"Hmm. OH NUMBER 7!" He screamed. Everyone shushed him. We all walked into wall mart and watched Emmett follow a member of staff.

**Emmett's POV –**

I followed someone called Fred around like a golden, what's its name? Oh retriever! I had my hands behind my back and my tongue hanging out. Fred would turn around a few times and look at me weirdly.

"What yah doing?" I asked after we entered the toys section.

"Uh restocking some toys. Why are you following me?" Fred answered.

"I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS FRED!" I screamed.

"Uh... we are?" I nodded and went back to my routine of following him and asking him questions.

Finally he lost it. "GO GIVE ME A FRICKEN BREAK WILL YOU?!"

"NO! NO! I DON'T WANT TO DIE! AAAAAAAH!" I ran away screaming. I could see my family and the dogs laughing hysterically. I gave myself a high five.

**Okay how was is? Brill? Bad? Okay? **

**Was it funny? Please review! xxxx**


	4. Oh my god! You destroyed my art work!

**Chapter 2 **

**Bella's POV- **

Ha-ha! I have never laughed so much in my life. Emmett was hilarious. Especially at the end. Once he had joined us we argued over who was next. But unfairly Jasper used his emotions to bore us and said "My go!"

And unfortunately we all agreed.

"I pick.....number 17." He grinned.

"Sounds cool." I smiled at him. He went off and bought 100 packs of dominos- luckily we had thought to bring bags of money!- Next he went to pick up a do not enter sign and placed it at to ends of the isle of clothes. In the next ten minutes he was done setting up.

He had finished and moved the signs and himself out of the way. Shortly after a woman was walking around the corner with a young child clinging to her hand. She soon tripped over the dominos and it all went tumbling over. Jasper soon appeared around the corner.

"OH MY GOD! NOOOO! YOU HAVE DESTROYED MY ART WORK! WHAT DID YOU DO?!" He shouted at the woman and small child. This is so funny.

"What? Um... uh sorry." The woman mumbled picking up her crying child.

"Sorry is not enough! You don't know how long this took me! DECADES APON DECADES!" He marched away after that leaving the woman dumbfounded. He high fived Alice who was laughing.

**Jasper POV- **

Wow! What a rush! I love this game my wife mad up! I can't wait to do more. "MY TURN MY TURN!" Alice jumped up and down.

"On you go then Alice pick one." Rosalie smiled at her.

"Err, number.... 23! Oh that sounds fun!" She squealed and rummaged through her bag for a pen. "AHA! Purple will do very nicely!"

She skipped over to the isle with us following and hunted for the books.

**Alice's POV- **

A book... hmm what book? OH! Sex and the city! I can apply some useful knowledge into that.... or dirty drawings. I drew a few drawings on that were quite dirty....you know like boy's privates.... and woman's breasts....! Yes I also drew some people talking to each other and wrote some dirty words in between a sentence! I carried on with this with several more books and CD's and DVD's until this security guard came up.

"Excuse me ma'am?!" He shouted. Uh-oh! I'm in trouble. Where do I hide? AAAAAAAAH! "Now don't you go runnin' anywhere, yawls hear me?!"

"I'm sorry sir- are you not supposed to write on this?" I asked innocently batting my eyes at him. When he got up closer I could see he was old- podgy, wrinkled and a bold patch!

"NO!" He shouted. Then he looked up into my eyes and something changed. "Now how about we discuss this over lunch?"

Did. He. Just. Flirt. With. Me? "I'm sorry sir but I don't think I can!"

He held his hand to my arm and rubbed it. I stared at it in horror. "Sure you can.

"GAAAAAAAH! GET OFF ME YOU FRICKEN PERVE! AAAAAAAH JASPER! HELP! HELP!" Jasper appeared as soon as he heard my pleas for help. Just like a faithful husband.

"What is this ugly man got against you?!" He sneered.

"He is feeling me up!" I glared at him and he cringed away.

"Do it one more time to _my_ girl and I will tell your boss what you have been up to!" The security guard backed away.

"I-I'm sorry!" He ran away after that. We turned and walked back to the laughing family + werewolves.

Now that's how little allie ballie bee roles!


	5. I'm BobbieJohn! But u cn call me MrSexy

**Rosalie's POV- **

I have to admit this idea of Alice's is actually _fun_. Oh my god I can't believe I just said that! Usually Alice's idea of fun was torture. "Alice? Before we move on I have a few things to add to the list!"

"Ugh! Fine! But Emmett, it better not be idiotic and completely unrelated."

"Don't worry it's not!" He grinned and grabbed her pen and the list and wrote something very messy on it. Thankfully for us Edward could read his mind for translation.

"Number 66. Go on the wee voice thing.... uh what's it called? Oh! A stalker voice! Anyways... and shout random words! Number 67. Have a food fight... must include pie! Number 68. Tie long ropes to the lights and swing on them like Tarzan!" Edward translated exactly what Emmett said. We all looked at Emmett in shock horror. Emmett had managed to come up with something as clever as that?

"What you people staring at? OH MY GOD DO I HAVE AN OCTAPOS STUCK ON MY HEAD! AAAAAAAGH! GET IT OFF! IT'S A VILE SLIMY CREATURE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! NO NOT THE INK!" So much for being clever.

I burst out laughing. "No, Emmy bear you don't. We were staring at you because you managed to produce something so smart!"

"That's 'cause I am!" I arched my eyebrows.

"Sure you are Em." I fake smiled and rolled my eyes.

"Okay whose going?!" Alice yelled.

"ME! ME! PICK ME! ME!" To my surprise it was Jacob- what was with his enthusiasm?! "NUMBER....... One sec!"

We waited while Jacob and his slow human habits read the paper. "I KNOW I PICK NUMBER 30!!!! OH THAT SOUNDS FUN!"

"Jacob have you been drinking too much red bull? Cause you know what that stuff does to you..." Bella asked looking at the bottle of red bull in his face.

"AAAAH! YEES! 10! AAAAAH!" He squealed.

"Oh my Godden tag!" Bella groaned.

"Isn't that good day?" Edward frowned.

"Oh yeah! What's Oh my dear god then?" She asked. We all had a debate and went to search it up in a German dictionary... it didn't have it!

"DAMMB IT! WHY ARE DICTIONARIES SO USELES?" Bella screamed in frustration and through the dictionary to the ground stamping on it. Bella just through a temper tantrum! Oh my god.

"CAN I GO AND DO IT NOW! OH ?!" Jacob was jumping up and down excitedly.

"YES!" Paul and Embry shouted at the same time. Jacob skipped off to the exit.

**Jacob's POV- **

**(Random moment!) **

FIZZLE GOES FIZZLE I GO FASHIZAL MA IZZAL YOOOH! IMMA BEE IMMA IMMA IMMA BEE! IMMA BE ROCKEN LIKE THIS! YOU GOTTA PROBLEM?!

Okay calm Jacob think of Nessie! MALTESERS! No bad Jacob!

Okay I'm calm. Now run and scream like you've never done before.

I started running at full speed. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! THERE'S A SCARY GORILLA LIKE MAN CHASING ME! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! MUMMIE HELP ME! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"

After a lot of saying that I ran up to a woman and hid behind her. "MUMMIE! THANK GOD SAVE ME!"

"RAPE! AGH! RAPE! HELP!" She screamed.

"What the hell mum?! Its me your son!" I shouted at her. She looked at me before this weird looking man ran up to us. He had an afro and was dressed like he was going to an 80's disco. You know them rainbow coloured play suit with flairs? And big massive wedge things? And black round glasses? Well he was wearing that

"Is anything the matter ma'am?"

"Yes this man is raping me and insisting he is my son!" She whined.

"sir.... Well hello good looking!" WHAT?! He's gay! Oh dear lord help me! I could hear everyone laughing from behind a shelf! The guy walked forward and stretched a hair hand out to me- ew- and stroked my arm.

"GET OFF ME!" I yelled slightly freaked.

"Aw, is my baby upset?!" He pouted.

"EEW! I DONT EVEN KNOW YOU!"I screamed in horror.

"Well we can always arrange that. I'm called BobbieJohn... but you can call me Mr Sexxie. What's yours?" He asked me with a sexed up smile. What a weird name. WHAT A PERVIE GUY!

"My name is GET LOST YOU FRICKEN GAY PERVE!" I yelled.

"Someone's angry... want someone"- Wink – "to cheer you up?"

"NO!" I ran away to catch up with my friends. They were rolling on the ground in fits of laughter.

"BOBBIEJOHN!" Alice laughed hysterically.

"!" Paul bellowed.

"MY BABY!" Emmet screeched.

"Oh shut up!" I growled.

"Did you see his clothes?" Alice said in disgust after she controlled herself. Everyone else had managed to stand up.

"Weird huh?" I agreed. They all nodded. I felt sweaty so I took my t-shirt off, showing my 8 pack off.

"Mmm, nice sighting." Why do I recognize that voice? OH MY GAAAWD! ITS BOBBIE JOHN!

"NOOOOOOO! AAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" I ran away with him chasing me.

"COME BACK MR.... uhhh..."

"Jacob!" Bella cried after us.

"JACOB!"

"NOOOO!" I ended up slipping and skidding down the lain knocking some people over on the way. While BobbieJohn was distracted I hid behind a shelf and thankfully he left me alone. I skipped back to my family... WHY WAS I SKIPPING?!

"Looks like Jacob has a boyfriend!" Embry cooed but shut up when I growled at him. "Cool Jake! It was just a joke! You know?"

"Yeah. Calm." I panted.

"Okay who's next?" Edward asked. Bella raised her hand. "You don't have to raise your hand love."

"Uh, I know I was just pointing out that BobbieJohn is heading our way!" She pointed up above us. Oh great. He was swinging on a rope.

"Don't worry Jaky I will save you from these horrid people." Unfortunately for him the rope snapped and he fell. BWAHA! That is soo funny! He gave up and walked away. Good ridence.

"Any way.... who's next?" Edward tried again.

"I will go!" Bella smiled tentatively.

"On you go then... pick!" Edward encouraged her. He still treated her like a damn human! Grrr.

She took the list of Alice. "I pick number.... 50!" She grinned. She then skipped off and bought a digital camera. She then appeared with a pink one with... unicorns on it.... okay that was random and kidish!

**Bella's POV- **

Unicorns. I love them. They are such magical creatures! All pink and white and precious. Wait what am I talking about? Pull yourself together Bella! You are a strong independent woman! OOOH THEY HAVE A UNICORN CAMERA!

"EEEEEP! UNICORNS!" I cried......... what was I saying before? Oh yes I am a strong independent woman. Okay that is down the plug hole. So any way I grabbed the camera and bought it. I skipped back to my family and friends. They all looked at me weirdly.

"What?! I like unicorns..." I shrugged. They all snickered except Edward who squeezed my arm lightly.

"Okay! Off to the underwear!" I ordered and marched. We soon got there and there were loads! I mean loads! Any ways I stood there and every time someone came up I would snap a picture. Some would look at me weirdly and I just grinned and waved then some perverts wiggled their eyebrows and I would pretend to be sick and then some people would ask what I was doing to which I would answer "WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE I'M DOING?! YOU BIG BALLOON!" And then they would back away slowly. After 50 shots I gave up. I looked at the pictures and when I looked closely you could see the bras had dirty names on them.... I'm not even gonna bother telling you.

"UNICORNS!" I screamed randomly and they all came running over to me.

"Lets see them!" Emmett pleaded. I handed him the camera and he flicked through them.

Then we heard a dreaded voice.

"OOOOOWH MAAAAAAAAAAAAAI! GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOWD!"

**(OMG! Cliffy! Who is it? BobbieJohn? Mike? Eric? Jessica or...... UNICORNS?! Who knows.... READ AND REVIEWE PLEASE!) **


	6. Oh its on till the crack of daawn!

**(Hey dudes! Thanks for all the reviews their totally awesome! I love them! A review= happy Roslyn: D! Any ways.... don't be mad... I'm making that Paul hasn't imprinted on Rachel! It will make sense! DONT HATE ME!) **

**Jacob's POV- **

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOWH! MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAI! GAAAAAAAAOOOWD!" A shriek voice said behind us which caused us to look around.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" I cried. JANICE!**(remember from friends? Hahahahahahahaha!)** NOOOOO! That annoying little....... FREAK!

"Aww yow not happy to see Aunty Janice?!" I started to shake.

"S-s-stay away!" Embry put his hand up in warning.

"But babies!" She pouted.

"WHO THE DUCK ARE YOU?!" Emmett asked in confusion.

"She is a- a- uuuh...... friend of Rachel, Ross, Chandler, Monica, Joey and Phoebe." Alice explained. "Go overt and give her a little smooch Emmy!"

"But I don't know her." He whined.

"Yes you do! She was... your x-girlfriend!" Alice lied and Rosalie growled.

"Oh okay!" He beamed and walked over.

"Little does he know she has a mouth of a walrus and a very annoying mouth!" Alice smirked quietly. They started snogging and very soon Emmett fell to the ground chocking.

"OOOOWH! MAAAAAAAAAI! GAAAAAAAAAAAWD! What did ai dooow?" Janice looked pained.

"I think it is better if you go!" I whispered giving her a huge thump on the back.

"But whaaai?"

"BECAUSE YOU'RE AN ANNOYING BANANA ICING TOFFEY CAKE HONEY!" Jasper shouted and so she left. **(It means she is a b*tch! Do you see the initials of each piece of food? Put them together and what do you get? B*tch! Haha me and my friend made it up :D)**

Emmett was still on the ground chocking half to uh.... Narnia! Edward slapped him on the back,

"She's gone Emmett! Don't need to fake no more!" Edward laughed. Emmett stood up.

"Oh! THANK YOU GOD! THAANK YOU!" And then he stood up and acted normal...ish!

**Paul's POV- **

I am literally kicking myself for saying this but hanging out with the Cullens was actually quite fun.... not that this makes me like them I'm just saying...

"Dude why are you kicking yourself?" Embry asked. Was I actually doing that?

"Oh, um, I thought I was doing that in my head." I shrugged. Embry looked at me like I was a freak.

"I swear I don't know you!"

"Yeah, err, Paul that is really weird!" Bella agreed. You know when I said I didn't like the Cullens? I meant all of them but Bella! God her body... those breasts.

"Man, stop looking at Bella's breasts! You're drooling!" I glared at him.

"I WAS NOT!" I growled.

"Uhu... sure.... you totally were!" I lunged at Embry and beat the crap outta him. That will show him. Embry soon got up and said "What was that for?!"

"You're a fish cake!" I said. He whimpered and I just laughed.

_Man I love Bella! So fricken much! _WHAT THE FUCK MAN?! You're turning into Jake..... ASYLUMED LEMUR! OOOOH A FLYING BALLOON!

What the frick? That was totally random. OMG! Lolly pops! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP! I love them! I ran over and bought like 20! When I got back every one was in fits of laughter. "What I love lolly pops?!"

"Yeah whatever...."

"I'm a little fish in the deep blue sea..." What the fuck the random weird dude... Emmett is it?.... is singing a random song.

"Emmett..." I started.

"Yes little fairy?!" He grinned freakily... okay that's just pure scary...

"STOP SINGING!" We all shouted and he burst into tears.

"Jeez that's his third time today!" Alice complained! Okay maybe I can get along with Alice... after all she did make the list up...

"He's such a cry baby!" Edward chuckled. I have a new name for him... Eddie Murphy.... oh I'm gooooooood!

"I could say the same about you Eddie Murphy!" I grinned. Edward growled and Emmett howled with laughter.

"Good name my brother!" He held up a fist to pound and I pounded it. Okay so three Cullens were alright... Emmett Alice and Bella.... I like Bella ALLOT!

"Okay ... enough with the jibber jabber... whose next!"

"I will!" I wanted to give it a shot. Alice handed me the list and I looked through it. Ohhh I like this number! "Number 12!"

"Ohh stinky are we?" Jacob joked.

"Oh ha-ha!"

"Okay where do we get them?"

"Uh, from the kids section... DUUH!" Bella rolled her eyes. "You can be so slow."

I wiggled my eyebrows at her. "So... do you like slow people?" *wink wink*

"Ugh! Stop flirting with me Paul! You know I only like you as a friend!" She grinned playfully!

"Aww bum!" Now all I had to do was kill Eddie Murphy!

"Okay let's go buy stink bombs!" I yelled. We all marched to the isle and I grabbed 100 stink bombs- 10p each! That's cheap. I need to go here more often... oh wait this is a list of how to get thrown out of wall mart... they won't let me come back!

"I want cheese!" Embry whined. Why does he want cheese?! "Did I say that out loud?" He asked. We all nodded.

"Cheese cheese the more you eat the more you toot!"

"Umm... Emmett.... its beans beans good for your heart...."

"Well I am sorry that I do not eat these days... it's not my fault I'm anorexic!" He crossed his arms and pouted.

"Emmett. You're a vampire! YOU CAN'T EAT!" Rosalie stated.

"I AM A WHAT NOW?!"

"A VAMPIRE!" We whisper shouted.

"DON'T YOU THINK I KNOW THAT?!"

"Er, no!" We all chuckled.

"Well I did!" He said.

"Uh yeah sure. Let's go get these bombs!" I shouted and everyone in the isle ran out the shop. WTF?! "I only meant stink bombs!"

"Oh well. We should go buy them now." Bella smiled at me... god that smile was so hot! Embry punched me on the back and I started choking.

And then suspiciously he started singing "Imma bee Imma imma imma bee! Imma bee rockin like this!" By the black eyed peas and dancing like a weirdo.

"Sweet dude!... totally!" Emmett complimented and joined in. Great. We have to take a couple of loonies with us. NOOOO! When we arrived at the checkout the woman looked at the bombs and then at me like "WTF?!"

"LOOK WOMAN! IS THERE A PROBLEM?! DO YOU WANT ME TO SORT IT OUT?" I blew my top off. Calm Paul caaalm!

"Oh... um... I.... I am sorry." She stuttered a little scared but started scanning 10 minutes later and I was walking around the shop setting stink bombs off and fanning them with loads of the stores strong fans. I think the Cullens were on their way to ripping each other up while the werewolves were crawling for the door. The stench was vile! Then Mr I think I'm so tuff manager came out. I read his name tag- Rebecca! What in the name of capraison lollypops? Why is he called a girl's name?

"YOU! The one setting of the stink bombs! STOP IN THE NAME OFF HUFFLE BUFFLE!" That was totally weird man.

"Why?! What am I doing? I was only buying some apples _Becca_!" I sneered the last word. Then I wafted a hand up and down to pretend to rid the smell. "Woof Bec's was that you? OH JEESE I THINK I MIGHT DIE!"

After that he chased me round the store. He then said "I bet he is on steroids!" I then turned and leapt on him.

"IT'S OOOOON! TILL THE CRACK OF DAWN!" so we fought for an hour and then we had enough and left each other alone. "Uh, sorry dudes, he said I was on steroids...." By this time the place had nearly cleared because of the smell.

"Uh, Okay. Who is going next?" Bella asked. Everyone looked at each other. Then Emmett smiled evilly.

"I think Eddypuss should go!" He smiled evilly.

"Uh... no no no!" He shook his head.

"DO YOU WANT A FIGHT?!" Emmett roared playfully.

"Uh... no no! YOU DONT UNDERSTAND! I WANT A PEACEFULL LIFE! PLEASE DONT KILL ME!" And Edward ran away screaming only to come back with a bubble machine for protection and sprayed bubbles in Emmett's eyes. Like that will help.

"Bro, I was only joking! You're as dumb as a fish sometimes!" Emmett rolled his eyes and we all coughed raising our eyebrows at him. Little did he know he was talking about himself.

**Edward's POV- **

"Oh. I knew that." I flung the toy away and brushed myself off sheepishly.

"Well you are going to go!"

"Okay. I will." I sighed.

"I am picking for you because you will choose a boring one!" Bella shrieked. When did she become like Alice?

"Fine!" I sighed. She grabbed the list and skimmed through it.

"NUMBER 25.!MWAHAHAHA!" Bella laughed evilly- which was very scary!

"Um.... what is it?" I said looking at it. Aww! Hell naw! That is just too embarrassing! I shook my head and Bella put on her puppy face. "Ugh. FINE!"

So as I had to go... under the supervision of Bella Alice and Emmett... I don't know why they took Emmett he only has 1 brain cell and that does not work properly. I guess he is super strong but it will take him 5 minutes to work out what he has to do. Why didn't they take Paul or Embry? Or Jasper? Or Rosalie?? No, no they had to take the fish brain! No wait a fish is smarter than Emmett... wait why am I angry? This is good! It means I have a possible chance of escaping! WOOP! "Don't even think of it again Edward!" Alice warned. DAM! I forgot about that!

"Why do you have to be so annoying Alice?!" I growled.

"Because it's my job."

"No your job is to shut the hell up!" I shouted and I heard a snicker from Emmett. "So uh melons... where do you get those?"

"You should know you're the one that tries them on for fun!" Alice laughed and so did Bella and Emmett. I glared at them and they shut up. Good. Not that I wanted Bella to shut up. Just the other two loonies.

"Ah here are my melons!" I accidently blurted the word "my" out.

"Dude?! You keep breasts here?!" Emmett bellowed.

"I didn't mean that." I would have blushed. I picked to up and quickly shoved them up my t-shirt looking around to see if people had noticed. No one had so I made my way to the busiest area of wall mart. Why did I agree to do this? WHY DID I EVEN COME UP WITH ACTUALLY DOING THIS IN THE FIRST FOD DAMN PLACE!? I am so, so stupid! GAAH! Okay straight face. And action.

I stomped forward through the melons from side to side vigorously. There was hardly any room to move so I said "MOVE IT! MOVE IT! Big breasted man needs his space! THANK YOU VERY MUCH!" They all shuffled out the way except this big bulky man. "DO YOU WANT TO MEAT MR BOOBIE?!"

"NO! What the hell is your problem?!" he yelled.

"MY PROBLEM IS THAT YOU HAVE TO GIVE BELLA AND IZZY ROOM! OH YES ALICE?! ALICE?! EMMETT?!" Alice and Emmett appeared by my side.

"Yeas?"

"This is my lesbian sister Alice and my transsexual brother/sister Emmett!" God dam it if I was going down their going down with me! Alice stared at me annoyed.

"GAH!" Alice stormed off while Emmett had no clue.

"Hello!" he welcomed the guy. And the guy just looked at him.

"Uh dude. I'll just err. Move. You know." He moved. Now I barged into people with loads of stairs and laughs and "Heys".

This was actually fun. _OH MY GOD EDDIE PUSS! RUN!- Alice. _

What? Huh?! I looked around. And then there came BobbieJim. RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! ! I ran and hid in an airing cupboard but all too soon he found me and fitted in "Well hello there Mr. Breast! Nice to meat you I'm Mrs. Dick!" He grinned flirtatiously... I think, it looked more like a more deformed grin.

"GAAAH! GO AWAY! I don't actually have breasts! It was a dare.... HONEST!" Well sort of... I was Morley forced to. I grabbed a fan and blew in his face and ran out! "!" I screamed at them and we all ran out of the shop and into the car. By this time I had got rid of the melons.

"I think that is enough for today- let's do it again tomorrow!" Paul huffed.

"Yeah! That's a good idea. We need to get some rest!" Jacob yawned. So we all headed home after a day of fun. But there was more to come tomorrow!

**(Here's the 5****th**** chappy! Don't worry! It isn't the end! It's just an end to a day! I'm planning on making them do about 2 numbers off of the list in a chappy so there will be at least 35 chappies! Next chapter will be up soon) **


	7. YOU IDIOTIC BUMBLE BEE!

**Alice's POV- **

Paul and Embry were back home and Jake was up in Nessie's room where she was sleeping. And Carlisle and Esme had gone out hunting for a week. Good. Because if they knew what we were up to they would have our heads. Literally. Okay any ways... I put on "I'm brining sexy back" By Justin Timberlake and doing the moon walk and I sang the words- what? I like to do it. **(If anyone can do the moon walk please tell me! I can't do it!) **Emmett then came bursting in dragging Edward with him. Emmett was dressed in a chicken suit and Edward was dressed in a... bee suit! Emmett I wasn't surprised..... But Edward? And what I was just about to witness is the weirdest sight I will ever see.

"Hello dearest little sister of ours!" They grinned at me. Okay.... what is going on?! Then Emmett stood forward and put his hands on his hips and wafted his arms about like a chickens wings and then moved his feathered- literally- head back and fore and sang "I'm a little chicken short and cute here's my beak and here is my feather butt. If you see me angry then I want some food!" I was laughing this was so funny, Emmett singing I'm a little tea pot only with different lyrics was sooooo hilarious.

Then it was Edward's go. Except he sang the whole song of Imma bee while buzz rapping around the room **(for this you might wanna go on youtube and type in "Imma bee" By the black eyed peas to get the tune ;))**

"_mma be, Imma be, Imma, Imma, Imma be__  
__Imma be, Imma be, Imma, Imma, Imma be__  
__Imma be, Imma be, Imma, Imma, Imma be___

_Imma be, be, be, be, Imma, Imma be__  
__Imma be, be, be, be, Imma, Imma be__  
__Imma be, be, be, be, Imma, Imma be___

_Imma be on the next level__  
__Imma be rocking over that bass treble__  
__Imma be chilling with my mother, mother crew__  
__Imma be making all them deals you wanna do (Hah)___

_Imma be up in that maylist flicks__  
__Doing 100 flips and__  
__Imma be sipping on drinks 'cause__  
__Imma be shaking my hips___

_You gon' be licking your lips__  
__Imma be taking them pics__  
__Looking all fly and shit__  
__Imma be the flyest chick (So fly)___

_Imma be spreading my wings__  
__Imma be doing my thing (Do it, do it, okay)___

_Imma, Imma swing it this way__  
__Imma, Imma, Imma, Imma swing it that way__  
__This Fergie, Fergie, Imma, Imma be here to stay__  
__21st century until the end of the day___

_Imma be, Imma be, Imma, Imma, Imma be__  
__Imma be, Imma be, Imma, Imma, Imma be___

_Rich, baby, quick, quick, Imma, Imma, Imma be__  
__The shit baby check me out (Be)__  
__Imma be, Imma be__  
__On top, never stop (Be, be)___

_Imma, Imma be, Imma be, be, be, be__  
__Imma, Imma be, Imma be, fucking her__  
__Imma, Imma, Imma be__  
__Imma be, be, be, Imma, Imma be___

_Imma be the upgraded new negro__  
__Imma be the average brother with soul__  
__Imma be world wide international__  
__Imma be in Reo rocking Tokyo___

_Imma be brilliant with my millions__  
__Loaning out a billion, I get back a trillion__  
__Imma be a brother, but my name ain't Lemen__  
__Imma be your banker, I'll be loaning out semen___

_Honey's in debt, but we bouncin them checks__  
__But I dont really mind when they bouncin them checks__  
__Imma be, Imma be, Imma be, Imma be, rich, baby__  
__Imma be, Imma, Imma be, Imma, Imma be___

_Sick with the flow__  
__When the goal is to rock the whole globe__  
__Imma be the future__  
__Imma be the whole reason why___

_You even wanna come to a show__  
__You can see what I'm rocking and I'm picking out a golden___

_Imma be up in the club__  
__Doing whatever I like__  
__Imma be popping that bubbly__  
__Cool and living that good life___

_Oh, let's make this last forever__  
__Partying when you're together__  
__On and on and and on and__  
__On and on and on and on and___

_Imma be rocking like this (What)__  
__Y'all niggas wanna talk shit (But)__  
__Wanting you put it on the blog__  
__Rocking like this my job___

_We can't help that we popular__  
__And all these folks want to flock to us__  
__Come to a show and just rock with us__  
__A million plus with binoculars___

_Imma be, Imma be, Imma be, Imma be__  
__Imma be living that good life__  
__Imma be living that good, good___

_Imma be, Imma be, Imma be, Imma be__  
__Imma be living that good life__  
__Imma be living that good, good___

_Imma be, Imma be, Imma be, Imma be__  
__Imma be living that good life__  
__Imma be living that good, good___

_Imma be, Imma be, Imma be, Imma be__  
__Imma be living that good life__  
__Imma be living that good, good___

_Imma be, Imma be__  
__Imma be, Imma be, Imma be, Imma be___

_Imma, Imma, Imma be, rocking that .ap in here__  
__B.E.P. we definite__  
__We on some next level shit__  
__Futuristic musically___

_Mind will fold with energy__  
__From the soul new-sonicly__  
__Sending positivity__  
__Across the world, and seven seas___

_Taker of our family__  
__Rocking show 'specting cheese__  
__Imma be out with my peas__  
__Livin life, feeling free___

_That's how it's supposed to be__  
__Come join my festivities__  
__Celebrate like, Imma be___

_Imma be, Imma be, Imma be, Imma be__  
__Imma be, Imma be, Imma be, Imma be__  
__Imma be, Imma be, Imma be, Imma be_

**(WOW! That was loooong maan! Sorry didn't realise how long it was!) **

"Uh... What the hell?!" Was all I can say.

"Alice. We are trying to prove our man hood!" I laughed at what Edward just said. "What?!"

"Manly hood! Yeah right! More like making a full of yourself!"

"Well we are manly enough to make an embarrassment of ourselves. Your husband was too much a full!" Emmett explained.

"Whatever!" I rolled my eyes.

"Aah! I take that as a 'yes you are manly' thank you dear sister!" And then they started fighting... like punching kicking and every thing... though it wasn't normal, soft human kicks and punches... it was vampire style. Edward ended up winning while Emmett lay on the ground wailing like a little 3 year old. I just laughed. And then Edward said something I never thought he would say.

"Come on brother bear, stop your whining and lets go make fun of happy plopper or even funnier.... hairy pointer" **(if you are smart you should be able to figure out that this means Harry Potter... so sorry to all you Harry Potter fans, I do like it but I need something funny!) **

"OKAY!" He jumped up and they left.

**Emmett's POV- **

HAIRY POINTER! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

"Okay Emmett, we are going to write some quotes out of the books.... all the ones that include wands in them! And we swap wands for willies so say it says 'he took out his wand' you say 'he took out his wily'" Edward grinned. BWAHAHAHA! That is hilarious! Edward is officially my best brother! I never knew he could be so funny! HAHAHAHAHAHA!

"AWSOME!" I shouted. So we got all the books and wrote down all the quotes and changed the words. Here are my best:

_"He killed me with your wily."_

_"He FAILED to kill you with my wily"_

_"Voldemort brought out his willy and compared lengths"_

_"Don't put your willy there, boy!"_

"_Panting, Harry fell forwards over the hydrangea bush, straightened up and stared around. There were several faces peering through various nearby windows. Harry stuffed his willy hastily back into his jeans and tried to look innocent"_

**(hahahaha! Admit it HP fans that was funny! I am a genius:D Haha not really... people have probably made this up before me!) **

So that was basically what we did all night. "BOYS!" Little miss Pixie Lott- I like to call her it- came running down stairs with Bella and Rose and Jasper and Jacob came in. "Time to go to Walmart. Jacob phone your doggie friends." Jacob got out his phone and phoned them.

"Don't mind if we joined?" Carlisle asked with Esme and Nessie behind him.

"Err...." Jasper wanted to say no but Jacob HAD to say yes.

"Yeah sure." He shrugged. I growled. So we all got in the car and headed to walmart! Paul and Embry were surprisingly already there and they groaned when they seen the little midge and the two old fogies! Haha! They are old! Haha! Edward hit me over the head.

"They are only like a few years older than you!" He told me. OH MY GOD THEY ARE YOUNG?! Why didn't anyone teellll meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee?!

"Because it is just too funny." Edward snickered while he had his arm around Bella. _Edward's a little gay teapot ugly and fat here is his small privates here's his big head! If you hear him moaning it means he wants a boy! _I sang in my head and bellowed with laughter.

"Oh haha Emmett _very_ mature!" He growled and Bella looked at him in confusion.

"Huh?"

"Doesn't matter love." Love? Her name is Bella you idiot! And people say I am dumb jeez!

"I know it is Bella. But it's my mushy name for her- now look who is the idiot you goofball!" He smirked.

"Well how was I supposed to know?"

"You shouldn't- you're too dumb!" Jasper chipped in- how I hated emo boy!

"Oh stop bullying Emmy bear!" Rose insisted with her arms crosses.

"Yeah stop!"I stuck my tongue out at them.

"Aww, is Emmy.. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" I had picked Edward and Jasper up and stuck them in a drain. Good. Deserves them right. Everyone was laughing- even Alice and Bella.

"Okay who is next!?!" I jumped up and down excitedly and banged my head on the metal pole thingy-

"It's the pole that supports the canopy Emmett!" Edwards muffled- is that a word? Ooooh Invented a word YEY ME!- voice came from the drain. "And yes muffled is a word!"

"Shut up, hobo in the drain!" All we heard was a raspberry being blowing... Oh I like that word!

"I will go next..." Embry spoke in slow motion...

"ITS CAUSE HE IS SCARED YOU IDIOTIC BUMBLE BEE!" Edward roared from in the drain. Okay that was random coming from him.

"So Embry what number? Ooooooooh please be number 10 on the dirty scale!" I begged.

"WHAT THE HELL EMMETT?!!!" Embry shouted.

"I don't know. Uh... I'm a little tea pot-"

"I am doing number 33!" He grinned with the list in his hand.

"What are you doing then?" Carlisle asked curiously.

"PIE FIGHT!" He beamed.

"Oh cool." Esme smiled.

"WOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" I called. PIE FIIIGHT!

**Embry's POV**

So we all walked into Wall mart- why the hell were the parents and imprint of Jacob here?- and bought about 700 pies. Okay we had apple, blueberry, cinnamon and apple, raison, plump, peach, you name it we have it. Now it was time for a spectacular pie fight. We got into teams of two. Me and Paul. Jacob and Nessie. Bella and Alice. Edward and Emmett. Esme and Rosalie. Carlisle and Jasper. Okay so we were in our teams and were hiding somewhere. The fight had started and I peered out from the shelf..... I could see Emmett's big butt waggling and him singing "I like bight buts and I cannot lye" I sware I do not know him. Okay back to the fight. I held a finger up to my mouth, motioning Paul to be quiet. So we crept forward very quietly and reached the end of the isle and charged. "!" I shouted. And we splat them with pies! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! So the pie fight went on for about an our until the security guard took the pies away from us... what a spoil sport! He is sooo gay! I mean who names their boy BECCA?! And why doesn't he change it?!

"OKAY WHO IS NEXT?!" I was officially hyper. Paul and Jacob arched an eyebrow at me and I blew a raspberry at them.

"Um.... me?" Rosalie asked.

"YEY! THAT A BOY BABES!" Rosalie growled at him

"I AM NOT A BOY!" Oooh touchy!

"Oh woops sorry!" Emmett cringed away.

"You better be."

"Okay what number rose?" Alice asked.

"Er... number....46." she smiled tentatively.

"Okay Rosy posy! You have chosen to buy the cheapest item and bin it! You should do this 100 times!" Alice acted like a business woman... it was actually funny and for some reason I went into hysterics......

"BANANA MAN!" WTF?!

**Heeey guys! Thought I'd leave you with a random cliffy just to annoy you haha! Okay look since this is such a long chappy I thought I would only give you one part of the list! But next time I will give you three parts :D! I have some news... you might want to kill me for it.... I am not saying I am stopping writing this! I am just not going to update as often! I haven't been updating my other stories and I need to focus on them! I will update but not as much! But don't worry I am nearly finished one of them and one doesn't take long to update so as soon as I finish the other story I will try and update more often! Ooooh pleaaaase... I am literally begging here.... revieeeew! It means allot. In fact if you don't review their won't be any uploads! SO REVIEW! Thank you! Sorry it took me so long btw! It was my birthday and I was away on holiday with out any comps to upload :P xx**


	8. VERY important authers note!

**AUTHERS NOTE! **

Hey my little dudes! I have a special announcement to make... I think you will love it. I have decided to make 3 more stories attached to fun at walmart. They are called:

**Truth or Dare** Okay so basically its truth or dare.... just cranked up to the next level. The cullens and werewolves have made a whole new level to truth or dare and you will just love it!

**Prank calls **This time the Cullens and werewolves have decided to prank call random people... including some celebs like Simon Cowl and Susan Boyel.... god I hate her! It will be a laugh I promise!

**Comedy show- ** The hilarious bunch have decided since they are so a genius that they are going to set up a comedy show.... except its not really a comedy show. Its more like Emmett being an idiot, Alice being all hyper, Edward being a scaredy cat, Jasper randomly being caught dancing, Bella running in front of the camera saying a random word then back off again, Rosalie being minging, Jacob touching himself, Paul's anger problems, and Embry being the comedian he is oh and Nessie being the annoying little girl- so basically just acting like normal! Oh also Carlisle is the producer and Esme is the Director.

Okay that is the basics! I WOULD LIKE IDEAS ABOUT WHO THEY SHOULD PRANK CALL! Thank you! Oh and I know this is a bit over organised but I cant let myself forget!


	9. COCKADOODALDOO Carlisle said!

**Rosalie's POV- **

"BANANA MAN!" Oh crap. Please don't be Mike. Please don't be Mike. Please.... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! It's Mike!

"What in the name of professor Dumbledore's pants are you doing here?"

"DUUUMBLEDOOOOOR!" Okay random! Dumbledore just popped up as a puppet..... NAKED!

"Uuuh...."

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE MIKE?!" I screamed.

"I was looking at the isle and I saw banana man when you called my name... well Bella did.... WOW! Boy have you changed woman?! Plastic surgery?" Great he hadn't noticed us until Bella had to shout on him.

"Uh yeah. Plastic surgery. Yeah that's what I got." Bella plastered a smile on her face.

"uh... Okay." Mike started walking away.

"BOO!" I screamed and he ran.

"Okay Rose. Your go. Go buy!" Emmett ordered. So I scuttled off to find a granola bar and went up to a check out.

"Is that all your getting?!" The man said.

"Yes... I am anorexic!"

"That's not good to be anorexic you know...."

"YES IT IS! SO SHUT YOUR BIG GAWB! AND DROP AND GIVE ME 50!" I screamed in his face.

"Why?!"

"You insulted me. NOW DO IT!" He got down on the ground and gave me 50.

"WANT TO INSULT ME ANYMORE?"

"No.... err 50p please?" He asked tentatively.

"One sec deary." I doodled on the penny and gave it to him, snatched up the bar and chucked it in the bin. I repeated this allot.

"Excuse me ma'am. IF YOU BUY ONE MORE FRICKEN IDIOTIC GRANOLA BAR I WILL EAT YOU!" The man shouted. At this I laughed.

"Okay, Okay, this is my last one I promise."

So it was, and to highlight it I placed it on the ground and started stamping on it.

"DIE! YOU MUTHADUCKING PEICE OF MOLDY BANANA!" I screamed excitedly. I then skipped over to my family who were in fits of laughter.

"That was actually good!" They stared at me shocked. "What?!"

Before they could talk we heard Steven coming towards us with a.... pogo stick? Oh well whatever... RUUUUUUUUUUUUN! I dashed to the nearest hiding place... the closet. I crawled in there and was confronted by a very squeakish moaning noise. Oh no. Oh hell no! I turned, slowly, to face the noise and was nearly blinded. If it was ever possible. Lying there.... naked might I add... was Janice and Mike Newton.  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I screamed my head off. This is the worst sight you will EVER experience. A

"Rosalie Hale. Well, well, well. I have been expecting you for a very long time."

"Huh?"

"Your just so god dam sexy. Look at you. And it's just what I need to get the truth about you Cullens. Come over here and join me and Janice I'm sure we will have a lovely time."

"Fuck."

"What's the matter? You scared? No you can't be you just want me so badly." He had waddled over to me and started kissing me. Oh god. Oh my fucking god. This can't be happening.

"Err..."

"Now come on sexy it's your turn."

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!

**Emmett's POV- **

"Where's Rose?" Bella asked.

"Err... who cares she's just a nuisance." Everyone's eyes darted to me in shock.

"But I though Rosalie was you _loooover_" Paul mimed in a childlike voice. Haha he is so stupid haha. I'm even smarter than him.

Edward smirked. "You sure your smarter than Paul Emmy?"

"Err yeah?"

"What's 2 +2?"

"5?"

"Hieeee its Emiily here "

"Nope four. Paul what 6 + 6?"

"Easy... 12! Duuuhr!"

"Dam it!" and there I thought I was smarter. Damn it Emmett. There is a four before the 5 always remember that!

"Right so who is going next?" Alice beamed.

"COCKADOODAL DOO!" Carlisle called. WTF?! I thought he was the calm one? "Err sorry... I was looking at this cockerel thing..."

"Er, anyways who's next?" Alice repeated.

"ME ME ME!" Carlisle squealed like a little girl. Okay this IS weird for him.

**Carlisle's POV- **

Something in me made me hyper.... and I don't know what. I couldn't stop it and it was just so exhilarating! So this is why Alice was always hyped u. Because it was fun!

"You?" Jasper asked questioningly. I nodded my head back and fore at a fast rate.

"okay... honey, are you alright? This is not your usual behaviour!"

"I AM JUST SO HYPER! I JUST IT! WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME ALICE, THAT BEING HYPER WAS SO AWSOME!"

"Because you never wanted to know!" She protested.

"WELL DONT LISTEN TO ME!"

"Ugh. What number Carlisle?" Alice asked me. I stole the list from her and skipped around the store before I found a number....

"I PICK NUMBER 44!" HAHAHAHAHAHA! I AM AN EVIL GENIUS!

"Alright...." Bella said a little freaked out. "Go ahead then, tell us what you're doing?"

"YOU WILL SEE HAAHA!"

So I ran up to someone- an old grey haired lady- and said/sang "Can't touch this" running my hands sexily over my hot body. The lady looked at me disgusted! Hahahahaha! This is so much fun. As soon as I did that I ran off. This time I sang something else.

I ran up to a couple of first loves and said/sang "I'm too sexy for my shirt"- in a perfect imitation of the voices might I add- and ripped of my shirt. Oooooh this is sooo much fun! Have I said that before? Oh well! I don't give a dam! Im having so much fun!

I went up to other people and sang stuff like "Who's a sexy bitch", "Baby I'm a troublemaker" etc! By the time I had finished everyone was on the floor in fits of laughter! "So what do you think?"

"Carlisle.... I...think.... that....was....so.....fricken....funny!" Jasper said between fits of laughter.

"I... know! I never thought... you had it in you!" Edward gasped for breaths as he said this.

"Well I do have my moments." I boasted proudly. Then I realised something. "Guys, where's Rose?"

Emmett's eyes bulged wide and nearly came out of their sockets. "WHERE'S A ROSE?! WHAT ONE?! IS IT PINK? RED? YELLOW!"

Edward slapped him on the head thankfully. "No you idiot! ROSALIE! AS IN HUMAN ROSALIE!" He was very careful not to say vampire.

"Oh! I don't know she ran off to hide. Maybe she went home?"

"I know where she is!" Alice sang and danced off- yes danced- to the storage room and we all followed. "She's in there."

Bella opened the door slowly and let out a high pitch scream. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! EEEEEEW! WHAT THE FRICKEN HELL DID YOU DO TO HER?!"

"What is it Bella?" Embry spoke up.

"Just take a look!" She pointed into the cupboard. We all peered round. HOLLY BANANA SKINS! There Rosalie was tied up in chains while Mike and Janice did stuff to her. Ew! And did I forget to mention she was naked?! I'm looking away that is not a nice sight.

"Someone go in and save her- EMMETT!" Esme ordered him. He did what he was told, flung Mike and Janice out and broke the chains that had captured Rose. We waited a while, while Rose changed back into her clothes and came out absolutely horrified.

"Oh dear lord!" Jasper said horror struck. "Will we continue?..."

"Yes. But Jasper, go take Rosalie back to the car." I ordered, my hyperness evaporated ... oh not for long I can feel it creeping its way up! YEY! Rosalie and Jasper walked off.

"EEEEP!"

"Carlisle? Did you just squeal?" Edward asked me.

"Err...noo! That was Alice!"

"NO IT WAS NOT! I DO NOT SOUND LIKE A MAN!"

"So it was you Carlisle!" Edward snickered.

"YES GOT A PROBLEM?!" I shouted.

"NO DADDY! DONT HURT ME!" Edward wailed and ran away screaming.

"... He'll be back..." Bella laughed.

"Okay who's next?" Emmett asked.

"......" Came the disappearing sound of a scream from Edward.

"I am! I HAVE A BRILLIANT IDEA!" Jacob grinned excitedly.

"............" Another scream from Edward as he ran down another corridor.

"Please continue." Alice asked.

"I'm picking number 57! WOOHOOO!" He grinned. And Paul and Embry high fived him.

**Jacob's POV- **

Okay so... what song should I pick? Hmm! Let me go check the CD's out. I flicked through a few until I found the perfect one. It was by the Black eyed peas- hey mamma It was a rap song and one that could be easily made a full of. **(A/n! When I put this prank down you might want to listen to the song so you can understand! Type into YouTube- Blackeyedpeas- Hey mamma xx) **"Paul? Embry? Bella?!"

"Yeahr" They popped up behind me. "Ohhh the black eyed peas Hey mamma! Good choice!"

"I need your help. Bella you play fergie. And Paul you sing the parts with me where there is two people as well as with Bella- only if there is two people singing. Embry Your the engineer." They nodded.

"I have an idea." Paul grinned.

"What?"

"Well we could get changed into baggy clothes and every thing with hats, belts, bandanas etc. And we could sneak into the part where they make announcements and plug in a CD player and play it on there?"

"But we don't want them singing." I said. **(Okay guys lets make it this is like their best song ever! And they have memorized the words!) **

"Oooh...." Paul said.

"I KNOW!" Embry called. "We could... fiddle about with the sound system and cut out the voices and just have the tune. I know exactly how to do that!"

"Good idea. Embry you buy the CD and the CD player and sort that out. Me and Paul will buy the outfits."

So in the end I was dressed in a baggy white shirt with a skull and cross bones on the front, with gold chains, gold rings and then my white boxers slightly on show before the dark blue baggy shorts held up buy a loose fitted belt with them huge sneakers. I had a black cap on with the cap facing backwards. Bella was wearing a tight white t-shirt, a black zipped jumper- open-, black quarter length joggers, white studded belt, white socks, white sneakers with black stripes and a half white half black cap- facing forwards. Paul had a red baggy t-shirt on with a picture of Tupac **(You must know this guy! Even I do! He's like a legendry rapper! And I don't know much about rap! But this guy is good!) **on the front he also had the same jewellery and belt as me with his grey boxers on show and baggy black shorts and sneakers Instead of a cap he had a white bandana around his head. We looked real funny dude. We all grabbed a micro phone and told Embry to press play when we gave her the thumbs up.

So here we are standing in the middle of Wal-Mart on three huge creates. "HEY GUYS!" I called to everyone in the store. They all turned their heads. "I'm Jacob, and this is Paul and Bella. We're going to give you some entertainment. We are singing Hey mamma by the black eyed peas me and Paul will sing the male parts and Bella will sing Fergie's. We hope you enjoy!" I gave Embry the thumbs up.

**(A/n Jacob- Bold **_Bella- Italic _Paul- Underlined** If there is for example bold and italic together then that means its Bella and Jacob singing)**

_(la la la la la)(Bella In background)__  
_**Hey mama, this that shit that make you groove, mama****  
****Get on the floor and move your booty moma****  
****We the blast masters blastin' up the jamma****  
****(REEEEEEEWIIIIIIND)**  
(_**Bella and Jacob in background)**_Cutie cutie, make sure you move your booty  
Shake that thing like we in the city of sin, and  
Hey shorty, I know you wanna party  
the way your body look realli make me really feel nauuughty  
Cutie cutie, make sure you move your booty  
Shake that thing like we in the city of sin, and  
**Hey shorty**, I know you wanna party  
the way your body look realli make me really feel nauuughty  
  
**I got a naughty naughty style and a naughty naughty crew****  
****But everything I do, I do just for you****  
****Im a little bit of old, and a bigger bit of Nu****  
****The true niggers know that the peas come thru****  
****We never cease****(NOO)****, we never die no we never decease ****(NOO)****  
****We multiply like we mathamatice****  
****Then we drop bombs like we in the middle east****  
****(****The bomb bombas, the base move dramas****)****  
**_**Naw y'all knaw, who we are**_**  
**_**y'all knaw**_**, **_we the stars_**  
****Steady rockin' on y'alls boulevards****  
****And, lookin' hard without bodygaurds****  
**_(I do)_** what I can****  
**_(Y'all come thru)_**will.****  
****And still I stand, with still mic in hand****  
****(So come on mama, dance to the drama)****  
**  
(_Bella and Paul in the Background)_**Hey mama, this that shit that make you groove, mama****  
**(hey)**get on the floor and move your booty mama****  
**(yaw)**we the blast mastas blastin' up the jamma****  
**(hey)**so shake your bambama, come on now mama****  
****Hey mama, this that shit that make you groove, mama****  
**(hey)**get on the floor and move your booty mama****  
**(yaw)**we the blast mastas blastin' up the jamma****  
**_(la la la la la)_  
**  
**_(Bella and Paul in the background) _**We the big town ****stumpas****, and big sound ****pumpas****  
****The beat ****bump bumps**** in your trunk ****trunkas****  
****The girlies in the club with the big ****plump plumpas****  
****And when I'm makin' love, my hip hump humps****  
****It never quits**(NOOOO**) we need to carry 9mm clips**(NOOOO)**  
****Dont wanna squize trigger, just wanna squize t*ts****  
**(lubaluba)**cause we the show stoppas****  
****And the chief rockas, number one chief rockas****  
****Naw y'all knaw**_, who we are_**  
****y'all knaw****, **_we the stars__  
__Steady rockin' on y'alls boulevards_**  
****How we rockin' it girl, **_without body guards_**  
****Now she be****, **_Fergie,__**from the crew**_**  
**_B.E.P_**., **_come and take heed, as we take the lead_**  
**_(so come on papa, dance to the drama)_**  
**  
**Hey mama, this that shit that make you groove, mama****  
**(yaw)**get on the floor and move your booty mama****  
**(wuh)**we the blast mastas blastin' up the jamma****  
**(NAWWWW, NAWWW)**  
****Cutie cutie, make sure you move your booty****  
****Shake that thing like we in the city of sin, and****  
****no fakin i know you see me shakin****  
****and the way i break it down i got the whole world quakin****  
**_Off the Richter, off the Richter, off the Richter, off the Richter, off the Richter, off the Richter steady are you ready._

**Hey shorty, I know you wanna party****  
****the way your body look realli make me really feel nauuughty****  
**  
**But the race is not, for the swift****  
****But who really can, take control of it****  
****And tippa irie and the black eyed peas will be thhhheeerre****  
**_til infiniti, til infiniti, til infiniti, til infiniti, til infiniti__  
_Tippa is ouuuuuut  
  
Nosa dima shock, nosa dima ting  
everytime you sit there i hear, bling bling  
O wata ting, hear blacka sing  
grinding, and winding  
and the madda be moving in a perfect timing  
and we dance and dance to the dancehall riddim  
and we're really to nice, it finga lickin'  
like rice and peas and chicken stuffing

**Hey mama, this that shit that make you groove, mama****  
**(hey)**get on the floor and move your booty mama**  
(yaw)**we the blast mastas blastin' up the jamma**  
(hey)**so shake your bambama, come on now mama****  
****Hey mama, this that shit that make you groove, mama****  
**(hey)**get on the floor and move your booty mama****  
**(yaw)**we the blast mastas blastin' up the jamma**  
_(la la la la la__[fade]__)__  
_

**(God! I hope you appreciate that and read it! It took me an hour to edit it! Seriously I spent allot of time on that!)**

We finished. Pheew! Well let's say there was a lot of dancing involved! The family were in fits of laughter and to finish it off: "We thank you people of walnut whip land! We truly appreciate you spending time listening to us instead of gathering concurs and what not!" **(A/N I needed some randomness :P) **

"WOOOO HOOOOOOO!" Steven shouted out.

"Fuck off!" Bella shouted at him.

"No! I love Jacob and Paul go back to your husband you been sprout!"

That's when Bella lost her temper....

**(Okay I have a BIG Apology to make! I haven't updated in so long! I didn't realise how long it was! I am so so sorry!) **


	10. READ! THIS IS NOT A CHAPTER VIP NOTE!

Hey guys! This is a VERY important authers note that you NEED to read before the 5th of JANUARY! Okay so basically there's is nominations being picked on FanFic. And I would Like you to nominate my story (walmart one) for any three of these categories:

Best comical moment

Best comedy

Best story

Best fanfic in progress

Best Alice story

Best Emmett story

Best Cullen family story (Okay I know! There are some wolfs in it! But still)

Best OC story

Best family moment- Maybe! If you really think so!

Best brother/sister (siblings) moment

Okay so here is the sight info and instructions on how to nominate!-

Link: .net/topic/66481/20624122/1/

Okay people Here are the instructions- read carefully please!-

When you click on this link you will see instructions on how to nominate people this person that sent this is called DONTCALLMELEELEE! Okay so on it it says-

As we are almost in 2010, it would be cool to have our best stories of 2009.

_Here the list of categories. __**Read carefully!**__ (Is a very long post!)_

_- Best Author_

_- Best Story_

_- Best Tragedy/Angst_

_- Best Comedy_

_- Best Drama_

_- Best Action/Adventure_

_- Best Edward and Bella story_

_- Best Jacob and Bella story_

_- Best Cullen Family story_

_- Best Wolfpack story_

_- Best Alternative Universe story_

_- Best Alice story_

_- Best Rosalie story_

_- Best Bella story_

_- Best Renesmee story_

_- Best Carlisle and Esme story_

_- Best Jacob story_

_- Best Edward story_

_- Best Jasper story_

_- Best Emmett story_

_- Best Seth story_

_- Best Quil story_

_- Best Embry story_

_- Best Leah story_

_- Best Sam story_

_- Best Paul story_

_- Best Jared story_

_- Best Esme story_

_- Best Carlisle story_

_- Best OC story_

_- Best All Human story_

_- Best one-shot_

_- Best Crossover_

_- Best Villain_

_- Best Emotional Breakdown_

_- Best Family moment_

_- Best Sex scene (Lemon)_

_- Best Death_

_- Best Fight_

_- Best dream_

_- Best romantic moment_

_- Best brother/sister (siblings) moment_

_- Best comical moment_

_- Best father/mother-daughter/son moment_

_- Most original story concept_

_- Best fanfic in progress_

_- Best AH Alternative Universe_

_- Best Pre-Twilight_

_- Best Emmett x Rosalie_

_- Best New Moon Fanfic_

_- Best Jacob x Renesmee romance_

_- Best imprint story (any imprint couple)_

_- Best fanfic about the Volturi_

_- Best Alice x Jasper_

_- Best Eclipse Fanfic (Only stories that happened during Eclipse)_

_- Best Alternative couple, non-cannon couples_

_- Best Twilight fanfic (Only stories that happened during Twilight)_

_- Best Breaking Dawn Fanfic (Only stories that happened during Breaking Dawn)_

_- Best Post Breaking Dawn_

_- Best human story (Angela, Mike, Charlie, Billy, Emily, etc…)_

_- Best girlxgirl/boyxboy story_

_- Best Mystery/Horror story_

_- Best Leah x Jacob_

_So that's the list of all the categories. Now you do __**NOT**__ need to nominate stories in each category; just in the ones you want._

_To nominate you have to do it like this:_

_**Name of the fanfic to nominate:**_

_**Name of the author:**_

_**Nominate it for (write all the categories you nominate the fic for, they can be one or all):**_

_**Summary:**_

_**Link to the story:**_

_I __**won't**__ accept any nomination that isn't written this way. So please follow it._

_You can only nominate 2 stories in each category._

_You can nominate __**yourself**__, but only __**one**__ of your stories and that story in only 3 categories (the ones you want)._

_The nominations will close Jan 5th (you have 1 month)._

_Only the stories nominated more than 3 times in any category will participate. With this I mean, that if a story is 3 times nominated as "Best Story", but only 1 in "Best Author", the story will only participate in "Best Story"._

_As always, if any of you have a question, PM me (__don'tcallmeLeeLee__) or post the question here._

_~Stella ;D_

_p.s. I think I don't need to mention that the stories had to be written in 2009, right?_

_p.s.s If you think there should be another category let me know!_

You cannot miss this it's on the very top of the first page! Read that very carefully and do as you are told. To nominate at the corner of these instructions rule's etc there are two options "reply" and "Mod" Click on reply and then there you can nominate me! :D

In return I promise you quicker updates AND longer chapters and I will try and nominate you if there is time!

Thank you for your time! Please please nominate me!


	11. EW YOU JUST INFECTED ME WITH SEX CUDIES!

**Alice's POV- **

"I DONT GIVE A FLYING RAT'S ASS IF YOU LIKE THEM! THEY DONT LIKE YOU! THEY AREN'T GAY! YOU HOMOSEXUAL PENGUINE!" Okay why did she say penguin? Oh who the fuck cares she's on a role!

"But they love me." The gay penguin protested.

"You think they love you?! YOU THINK THEY LOVE YOU!? You are soo twisted in the mind! Now be a good little boy and go and help round the store."She told him and he thankfully scuttled off to gay Vill. I then thought of something.

"I have some ideas for the list..." I smiled evilly.

"And what is that?" Esme asked.

"Well..." I quickly wrote everything down on the list. It said...

_66. Cause a scene in the middle of wall mart with your partner then start making love. _

_67. Swap all products around until everything is in the wrong place. _

_68. Jump on a random person's back and order them to give you a piggy back. _

_69. Graffiti all over the front of wallmart saying "Sale now on- 100% off!" and "Walmart is closing down- bag yourself some totally free items" etc. _

_70. Kidnap one of the check out staff and take their place and do everything wrong. _

Jasper and Rosalie were back by the time I had finished.

"I like the idea of all of them. Especially number 70!" Jacob told me reading over my shoulder.

"FUCK OFF PAUL YOU MEEZLY COCO POP!" Edward's voice roared. Coco pop? Haha!

"What did he do, honey?" Bella asked softly, rubbing his head.

"He keeps commenting on how "juicy" you breasts are!" He grunted. Bella's eyes widened and then narrowed into a glare but I couldn't help but laugh. It was soo boyish of Paul to do that.

"Whatever. MY TURN MY TURN!" I Nessie squealed.

"Okay Nessie, what number?"I asked showing her the list.

"Hmm..." She pretended to ponder for a minute... "Number.... 68!"

"Oh. Good idea. Just the right size to do that as well." I smiled sweetly at her.

"YEY! I'm doing a prank! Jaky, I'm doing a prank! I'm doing a prank!" Nessie jumped up and down in joy and Jake chuckled and picked her up and twirled her around.

"Can we go now Jake? Can we pleeease?!" She was still bounding up and down and I just had to laugh.

"Sorry sweetheart, but you gotta do it on your own!" He grinned and poked her nose with his index finger. She giggled and ran off squealing.

**Nessie's POV- **

Yeeey! I get to do a prank! Yeeey! And now I go off running along the corridor... what is it called? Oh what ever! I get to do a prank! A PRANK! Yey, yey, yey! Okay so I spotted a man with a bolding head and grey hair. He was busy eying up a book so he didn't notice me sneak up on him. With my vampire speed, I snuck up on him and jump on his back shouting, "BOO!" The man gave a startled jump and turned his head to a grinning faced... err... me! His eyes were wide and his lips were set in an 'o' shape.

"Hello gwampa! Fancy seeing you here! I haven't seen you in a whillleee! I missed you sooo much gwampa! Why haven't you visited me?" I gave a pouty face...

"Uh... um... I'm your gwampa? Since when did Fanny (**A/n PMSL!) **get married and have a baby?" The man asked...

"Urr... she got married five years ago and had a baby three years ago. Gwampa are you getting forgetful? You were at the wedding, and at the hospital. With her husband... Dick." I added his name for humours sake.

"Well that explains why he married her... Dick..." He frowned. "Are you sure, little one? What's your name?"

"My name is Natalie. And I am positive." I grinned sweetly at him and batted my eyebrows. "Now... what was I going to say?... oh yes! Giddy up horsey and run round this shop!"

So off we went for a full half an hour cantering round the shop until he realised something...

"But Fanny is only 15! She can't get married or have a baby. She still lives with us!" I rolled my eyes at how stupid this man was. "Get off my back now little one!"

"Well I'm sorry that I'm blind... it's your fault that you are so stupid." I pretended to huff. And then he did something I never thought he would do... he KICKED me! And that was when Emmett came and grabbed him and dragged him out the shop saying "You huffle buffle rhino don't think you can kick my niece that way! Or you shall pay for it!"

Three cheers for the big dumb uncle of mine.

**Jasper's POV- **

Wow! That was funny! We should allow Nessie to do this more often... I trailed of with my inner thoughts when Alice let out a high pitched scream.

"What is it sweetheart?" I said grabbing her hand and looking at her. She couldn't stop bounding up and down and I could feel her hyperness radiating off of her.

"WE'RE NEXT! EEEEEEEEEEEEP! WHAT A BRILLIANR IDEA JAZZY! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!" Alice squealed. Even though I had my hands over my ears it still hurt my ears. What with my super strength hearing and all.

"Huh?" I had no idea what she was talking about. No clue. But then I remembered what had been running through my head... as I read Alice's list. I had loved the idea of doing number 66. "Ooh yeas! That! Darlin' how do you feel 'bout doin' that?"

Alice giggled and squealed. "I'd love to!"

After reading the list every one's face was a picture.

"Now that's my bruva and sista! WOOO!!" Emmett bellowed.

"You cannot be serious." Bella's jaw was near the ground.

"In front of Nessie? No!" Edward protest.

"What they doing momma?" Nessie asked.

"Oh my gosh." Esme gasped.

"Uuuh.... ew." Rosalie crinkled her nose.

"Aww hell naw!" Jacob shook his head violently.

Paul and Embry just started, mouths and eyes wide.

"Son... daughter... I don't think this is a good idea... really, really no." Carlisle gave a look of disapproval.

Me and Alice both looked at each other and smirked. This was gonna be so much fun!

"Come on my sexy little pixie." I grabbed her hand and walked off in the direction of the... toy section. Ha-ha-ha. I humour myself sometimes... okay Jasper stop talking to yourself.

"Where we going Jazz?" Alice asked in her chirpy voice. I could feel her jumping up and down in excitement.

"To the toy section." I grinned. She gawked at me.

"But... there are kids."

"Exactly!" I winked at her and she giggled. We suddenly heard the silent whispers of my family and the wolves following... they were going to watch? Bunch of perves!

"You ready pixie?" I smirked at her and winked. She nodded, looking me in the eyes with an evil glint. My devilish little pixie.

"Yeap!" She all but squealed.

"Shh now." I pressed a finger to hush her... didn't want people getting suspicious... so soon! I sent a wave of lust over her and she started to wind her arms around my shoulders. I sent a stronger wave out... making me wrap my arms around her waist. We kissed for what seemed like forever. Now it was time for horniness... wink, wink. Oh I'm such a dirty soldier. Again with the talking Jasper! Jeesh shut up! Alice started unbuttoning my shirt while I started nibbling at her neck.

"Mmm." She moaned. I grinned at her and I ripped her top off. "Impatient are we?"

I nodded, and noticed she had moved down to ripping my jeans off. "I could say the same about you."

She winked at me and pushed me to the ground. I pulled off her skinny jeans and flung them away. She started licking me and I moaned. So we made sweet love.

**Emmett's POV (haha! You can tell this is gonna be funny!)- **

Holly mother of elephants they were doing it!

"Well done Emmett you established that they are in actual fact doing it." Edward praised me. I grinned, he had never given me such praise before.

"Aww, thank you Eddie."

"I WAS BEING SARCASTIC YOU FAG!"

"I don't smoke..."

"Oh jeez. It's an insulting word... oh never mind, lecturing you is a waste of time. Back to keeping a close eye on these two!" He said, looking back at the dirty couple. Suddenly Jasper flung Alice at wall.

"OI! DONT HURT MY SISTER... YOU... YOU.... MAN WAFFLE!" I stormed over to him. But Jacob and Edward yanked me back.

"Okay, Emmett, 1. It's all part of sex. You should know... you do it ALL the time with Rosalie... and number 2. MAN WAFFLE?! WTF?" Edward stated.

"I... just uh... thought he was hurting her. And I'm to nice to insult!" I stuck my tongue out at him.

"No Emmett you're too dumb to insult." Bella spoke up smirking. I could see from the corner of my eye, Paul was checking her out. Aww Paul had a crush on Bella. Edward growled at me.

"What did I do? I never said ANYTHING!" Before Edward could reply Alice and Jasper came sexing into the middle of the group.

"OH EW GROSS! YOU JUST INFECTED MY BODY WITH SEX CUDIES!" Everyone looked at Jacob.

"Wtf?!" Paul snorted.

"Err I mean... back off! That's just... fucked up!" Jacob stammered. Poor guy, I knew how it was to be teased. Edward arched an eyebrow at me.

"Right.." Embry rolled his eyes. At that moment We heard a crash and we turned to see Alice's leg sticking out through a broken shelf.

"Shit." Carlisle muttered. "Emmett Edward, you get Jasprt... Embry , Paul and Jake you get Alice... she might be a bit of a handful."

"Why would she be a handful?" Paul asked.

"She... uh... gets a bit over excited when she's in bed." Esme explained uncomfortably.

"OH MY GOD! EZZERS! YOU DID IT WITH HER?!" I screamed. Every one stared at me.

"What in the name of the holy book are you talking about Emmett?" Esme looked honestly confused.

"OHHHH DONT PLAY THE INNOCENT ACT WITH ME!"

"Emmett, honey, it's a known fact that Alice get carried away." Rose reassured me. Oh.

"Well you could have told me! Jeez thanks for the warning!"

"CAN WE PLEASE GET BACK TO BUSNESS?" Edward shouted. We all nodded and surrounded Jasper and Alice.

"Okay Soldier up we get!" Edward heaved and I pulled to get him off of Alice... but she was attached on to him. Had someone spilt glue on her?

"NO! She is clinging on dooshbag!"

"Well I'm sorry."

"Both you shut up, and help!" Jacob interrupted.

"Yes ma'am" I called.

"Yes Jake." Edward muttered.

"I'm a boy Emmett..."

"Well you look like a girl."

"No I don't!"

"do!"

"Don't!"

"SHUT THE DUCK UP!" Paul shouted. "We have a job to be done."

"Yes now, Paul and Embry you pull Alice one way while me and Emmett pull the other... Jake when I tell you, slam into the middle of them to break the m up."

"But they're naked. Ew gross." He wrinkled his nose.

"You're too innocent Jake. Now just do what you're told!" Edward ordered.

"Fine." Jake huffed.

"Okay. In 3. 3...2..."

"Why can't we just go on 2?" I asked. Edward turned and glared at me.

"Because I said so. Fine we'll go on 2. 3...2... "

"Why didn't you say 3?" I asked. Edward is sooo weird!

"FOR GOD SAKE EMMETT! GO ON 3! 3...2....1! HEAVE!" Me and Edward heave and pulled and Embry and Paul heaved and pulled the two people who were going at it like a starving dog receiving its food. **(people believe me... they go at it like there is no tomorrow! I have a dog and it just eats it in 5 seconds... and it only ate 2 hours ago!... Im talking about starving dogs not people doing it!) **If we were humans... we wouldn't be breathing... what would be then? Zombies?

Edward looked at me. "We'd be dead Emmett. We would not be anything else... just DEAD!" Someone's snappy today.

"Whatever. Just keep pulling" And we continued... finally Edward got to where he wanted and said;

"NOW JAKE!" And Jake launched himself into the middle of the pair. They broke apart screaming and moving about. Jacob got up and ran screaming like a school girl shaking himself.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEW! EEEEEEEEEEEEW I TOUCHED NAKED PEOPLE! EEEEW !"

People were staring at us... freaks. Do people have a staring problem?

"Jacob? Bella? Edward? Nessie?" A voice came.

"Aww shit." Jacob, Edward and Bella muttered.

I looked to see who it was.... "Oh hey chief swan."

**(HAHAHAHAHA! How did you like that ending for yourself's? Well I owe you a big BIG BIG apology. I am so sorry it's been so long... I promise to updated more regularly! So what does Charley think? Hmm.... :D Review people and I will give you a sneak peak of next chapters... once I start :P) **


	12. Very important authers note & links!

**Authors note and Links :D **

Hey guys I have recently got a review asking me for links to my other stories so this authors note is basically providing them as I cannot email them back as it is set to anonymous. Sorry I haven't sent them faster... I only got the review! Haha! My computer was being retarded and wouldn't let me see my last review :S So sorry... here are the links:

Story number 1: The adventures of Jalice-

.net/s/5082191/1/The_Adventures_of_Jalice

Story number 2: best friends (sequel to The adventures of Jalice)

.net/s/5132028/1/Best_Friends

Story number 3: Family is forever (third and final book to the series)

.net/s/5247615/1/Family_is_forever

Story number 4: The Cullens have MSN

.net/s/5357372/1/The_cullens_have_MSN

Story number 5: It's a love story

.net/s/5427649/1/Its_a_love_story

Story number 6: Unforgettable love

.net/s/5484741/1/Unforgetable_love

Story number 7: Jealousy is just another word for hate

.net/s/5704717/1/Jealousy_is_just_another_word_for_hate

And voila! You have all the links to my other story :D Hope you enjoy them :D

Before I go I have a favour to ask. Could you please give me some idea for my next chapter for fun at walmart? I'm stuck on what to do. Just tell me what 3 numbers from the list... remember something that has NOT been picked yet and 3 people or more according to how many people that number needs and any other random things that shall pop up... just review me your ideas! Thank you so much for reading this authors note! It means allot!


	13. New Story

Hey Guys! Okay this is a note to say I am writing another story.... I know right? Do I ever stop! I think I have 5/6 stories on the go at the moment! So adding another one is going to make the process slower! But if I don't start then I will forget about it so....! I will keep an organized plan from now on and give myself a maximum of two weeks to write each story! Does that sound fair? Okay so here are the details and the summary of the new story!

**Summary: **Bella is the most popular girl in school and is dating the hottest boy in school, Andrew. She's happy with her life. But then a group of hot werewolves prowls onto the scene. And guess what? Two of them imprint on Bella... and who are they? Paul and Jacob. And now Andrew is a werewolf. How the hell can Bella's life get so out of control? And who is she going to choose? BellaXPaul BellaXJacob BellaXAndrew

Okay so basically it's a double imprint story! And there will be Cullens in this! I just don't know what to put them as. Would anybody like to help me there, it will be much appreciated! And I would also like your views on who she should choose:

Jacob

Paul

Andrew

I was thinking of going for Paul but I would like other people's views! And what do you think the title should be? I won't be posting this story until I update my other stories and until you have given me some idea!

Thank you for reading... I know my notes are very boring to put up with but its for good cause :D


	14. SO SORRY!

Guys I am so sorry I haven't updated in a long time! It honestly just flew over my head! And I have just remembered I was writing this story! So Im gonna get back on track now! I'm just finishing two chapters for another two stories then I will start on this one! So It will be out ASAP! Im so sorry! Any ideas of what they can do next?


End file.
